A Difficulty with Dwarves by Craig Shaw Gardner

By Craig Shaw Gardner

Whilst a wizard is not able to remedy his illness of magicks, he sends his apprentice Wuntnor to hunt relief within the far away land of the japanese Kingdoms that are ripe with fiendish peril.

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Example text

I wasn’t really listening to the words. I was hoping to hear another sound, like the light, rapid footsteps of a young woman, returning to seek me out again, or mayhaps that same young woman’s voice, saying she forgave me. There was a noise ahead of me, a cart being pulled across the cobblestones, a man’s voice crying cheerfully through the afternoon air.

His sneeze tore his silver robes in half as the multitude of mages about him answered in kind. The entirety of the Great Hall trembled with their distress. The silver wizard was soon lost beneath the sneezing mass. Something must have gone horribly wrong. My master and I had traveled here, to far and fabled Vushta, the city of a thousand forbidden delights, in hopes of ending our quest - a quest that began when my master was forced into battle with the dread rhyming demon Guxx Unfufadoo! My master won that first battle, but discovered that he suffered from a sinister aftereffect.

We mercenaries are all alone, forced to ply our trade without kith or kin. I am but a lone man, with a lone enchanted warclub. ’ The demon whistled. ’ Hendrek raised his club. ’ Snarks hastily took a few steps away. ‘If you are not going to abide by some of those handy diet and exercise plans I have so helpfully given you, you have to expect comments like that! You should follow the apprentice’s example here. Does he go on a rampage every time I show him how he might clear up his frightful complexion?

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